She's JV to your varsity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
