I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
