How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
