My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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