i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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