so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
