Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
