There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
