That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
