Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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