the condom got lost in my hair
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
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I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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