mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
