Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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