Pants 0. Shit 1.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
