I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
