i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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