i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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