help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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