Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
