I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someone shit on the floor
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This beer is not sobering me up at all
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize