Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pappa wants mamma naked
You can't motorboat a personality
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
