i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
