I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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