You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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