Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
