The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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