I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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