need another drink. this is the easiest way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
