sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
