Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
