okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she looked like the before picture.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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