I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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