I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
