ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
