One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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