I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
