dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
