I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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