I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
