1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
