"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
