i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
