He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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