i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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