Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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