I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
