I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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