I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
