I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
