Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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