I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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