Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
