I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize