big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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