i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
