hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
