best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will be naked everywhere
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
did i just pee glitter
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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