yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
