Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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