Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
