look no pants
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
why is half of my head shaved?
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