just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
