I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
